Wishing Upon A Falling Star

Saturday, February 16, 2008

~ 8:34:00 PM ~

Hello everyone.. studied SS and POA and Maths... yea.. and played alittle bit of games.. tomorrow.. I make sure I spend the day playing my psp ha! tomorrow's Tigerex gathering... zzz... today study nia.. nothing special today... ok... I came across many jokes.. so post it out.. happy reading !!^^^

-Jimmy's Not Stupid-

Mrs. White asked her 4th grade class if they thought they were stupid and, if so, to please stand.
Little Jimmy stood up, alone. Mrs. White said, "Jimmy, do you really think you're stupid?"
"No," Jimmy said. "But I didn't want you standing up there alone."

-The Test-

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."The moral of this story is:"

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

-Learn Chinese In 5 Minutes-

Directions: Read these outloud(DO NOT use Han Yu Ping Ying to pronunce)
(English Phrase) I think you need a facelift
(Chinese Phrase) Chin Tu Fat
(English Phrase) Are you hiding a fugitive?
(Chinese Phrase) Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P.
Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man
Dum Gai
Small Horse
Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?
Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table
Ai Bang Mai Ni
It's very dark in here
Wai So Dim
This is a tow away zone
No Pah King
You are not very bright
Yu So Dum
I got this for free
Ai No Pei
I am not guilty!
Wai Hang Mi?
Please stay a while longer
Wai Go Nao?
They have arrived
Hai Dei Kum.
Stay out of sight
Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile
Wa Sing Ka.
Your body odor is offensive
Yu Stin Ki
I thought you were on a diet?
Wai Yu Mun Ching?

-Arsenic-

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
Surprised, the pharmacist asks, "Madam, what do you want with arsenic?"
The woman replies that she wants to kill her husband.
Horrified, the pharmacist says, "Madam, I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"
The woman reaches into her handbag, takes out a photograph and lays it down on the counter.
The photo shows a man and a woman in a sexually compromising position.
The man is her husband.
The pharmacist recognises his wife as the woman in the photograph.
The pharmacist picks up the photo and nods, "Ah, madam, I didn't realise you had a prescription."

-This Place Stinks-

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.
"So Ma, how is it here?Are they treating you all right?"
"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me fart."

-How Much Is That Barbie In The Window-

Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present.
He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"
In a condescending manner, she says "Which Barbie?"
She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00".
Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"That's obvious" the sales lady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."

-No Way-
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed.

"No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

-The Better Mistress-

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"
"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."
The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."
"I understand," replies her husband, "but, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the decision is yours."
Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.
"That's his mistress," replies her husband.
"Ours is prettier," says the wife.